[Alice is in the hallway. A safetygate is in place in the doorway of the kitchen, so she cannot peer round the door frame to see what I am watching on the kitchen DVD player]
Alice: “Daddyyyyyy!!! What are you watching?”
Me: I’m watching a DVD, sweetie
A: “What is it?”
Oh Christ, how do you explain Alien to a toddler?
Me: Well, a spaceman goes for a stroll on a planet and an alien gives him a big hug and a present. So he goes back to his spaceship and his present turns out to be another friendly alien, who then plays hide and seek with all the spaceman’s friends. One of his friends is a nice robot who wants to take the alien home as a pet, but everyone else thinks this is a bad idea, so they all tell the robot off. The alien likes to hug all the people until there is one lady left and she wins the game of hide and seek. She then opens the door so that the alien can go for a walk in space and the alien waves bye bye to her.
In the next film, the lady misses the alien, so she goes back to the planet with some new friends and there is a big alien party and a little girl shows up to be the lady’s friend until the Mummy alien comes along to take everyone home and the lady gets into a forklift truck so that she can give the mummy alien a special hug. She then opens the spaceship door so the Mummy can have a walk in space and the Mummy alien waves bye bye. The end.
Does that sound nice?
A: “No. [then, apropos of nothing] The tears run down my face, Daddy.”
Me: Alice. Seriously, old girl, where the heck did you hear that from…?
A: “SING THE DOUGHNUT SONG AGAIN!!!! [sings] Doughnuts, doughnuts, doughnuts dooooooooughnuts….Where are the doughnuts? Bring them to me!”
Up until this point, I’d never heard of the Doughut Song before.