I’ve just been thrown out of my own kitchen. So not fair.
It was totally Alice’s fault. She told me she had licked her friend’s hair at nursery today, and I told her that wasn’t A Good Thing To Do, and that it was utterly weird and wrong, and that people would ostracise her for being a freak if she continued with such deviant behaviour. Alice disagreed with me and said that it was fine, and she went on to say “But I’ve seen YOU licking Mummy’s hair!”
No, you haven’t. If I did that, Mummy would be cross with me.
“No she wouldn’t, Daddy”
So, to prove my point, when I got home I greeted Sarah by licking her hair.
“OH MY GOD? Did you just lick my hair? That’s DISGUSTING!”
See, Alice? See?
“Jesus Christ, did you just lick my hair to prove a point to Alice?? OUT!! GET OUT!”
Are you actually cross?
“YES I AM. GET OUT!”
Alice then sniggers her head off. “Mummy’s cross at you!!”