What did you do at school today, Alice?
“Well, I was in the line with R____, and he said “I want some chocolate”, and I said “I haven’t got any chocolate”, but to help him, instead I ate some of my hair! HAHAHAHA!”
You… hang on, what?? You ate hair to satisfy someone else’s chocolate craving??
[having incriminated herself, Alice is uncharacteristically very silent all of a sudden]
Alice, did you eat your own hair?
AWWW ALICE! For God’s sake! You ate some hair?? AGAIN??!
For heaven’s sake, please don’t do that! Do you remember what happened last time you ate hair?
You ate some hair, and a day later you had…
[resigned] “…a hairy poo.”
That’s right. A hairy poo. Do you want another hairy poo?
There is NO nutritional value in hair. I’ve told you this before, and I have to tell you this again: Please don’t eat your hair. The only people who do eat their own hair are crazy people. Are you a crazy person?
[in a very scary, demonically resonant voice]: “I am when you’re not looking, Daddy.”