Conversations With My Daughter #72

June 2015

In the Co-op yesterday, buying milk and after-school treat for Alice…

Alice [in a voice that ricochets around the shop]: “Hey Daddy, are you going to nick another Snickers bar…? You can, you know. I don’t mind.”

Silence, as every person, plus the CCTV cameras, turns to look at me.

Me [through gritted teeth]: No Alice, I’m not. I’ve never ‘nicked’ a Snickers bar. I’m not eating chocolate right now.

Alice [still loud, and oblivious]: “Oh right. It’s because of the DIET isn’t it? Well, WHEN you’re NICE AND THIN, you can NICK ALL THE CHOCOLATE BARS IN THE SHOP!

This time, the silence was broken by the sound of me turning bright crimson with embarrassment. When we reached the front of the queue, I looked the normally-grumpy shop boy in the eye and part-wailed, part-blurted: “But I’ve never nicked a Snickers bar!”

It took some time for his sniggering to stop before he could serve me properly.

Postscript: Later on, I asked Alice what she meant buy ‘nicking’, and she thought it meant the same as buying. When I told her that it meant stealing, her mouth did a shocked ‘O!’

Thanks to Alice, this is how my local Co-op sees me now. Except I'm more leather-jacket-rock-n'-roll than this fucking arse in a suit.
Thanks to Alice, this is how my local Co-op sees me now. Except I’m more leather-jacket-rock-n’-roll than this fucking arse in a suit.
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