101 Experiences I Want My Daughter To Have

Dear Alice,

There are some things all people should experience in a lifetime. I have often wondered what I wish for you, my noble daughter, to experience in your long and interesting life. And if I’m brutally honest with myself, there are some things I wouldn’t want to wish on you at all. Let’s face it, I instinctively want you to have nice things, and to be protected from the nasty things.

But maybe the nice things are not what really builds us. Not all of the things we experience are pleasant. But our lives are made richer by the wide variety of things we encounter. The good gives us pleasure, the bad makes us stronger, wiser, and teaches us what to avoid, and what to endure. You need to have these experiences to know what they feel like.  And remember, that if any of the experiences you have in life feel painful or strange or are just too darn confusing, you can always talk to me. I’m here to support you. Always.

So here is a list of the type of experiences both Mummy and I want you to have. Let’s hope you become a wiser, fuller, richer, more deeply depthful person as a result. And yes, depthful is a word.

Lots of love
Daddy x

(that’s ‘Daddy’ with a kiss, my name is not Daddy X, but I suppose that would be a cool nickname)

1. Be in a car crash – not a serious car accident, but a minor prang

2. Learn a musical instrument and stick with it. Of course it’s going to be difficult, but work at it and trust me, you will one day make an event brilliant with your musical skills

3. Have an argument

4. Win an argument

5. Learn to argue effectively

6. Hate someone

7. Get totally shitfaced – just do it safely

8. Stay up all night

23982099630_620b71db6e_b
Fuck, I’m tired and cold

9. Go on a diet

10. Break the diet

11. Tell someone to fuck off

12. Forgive

13. Get punched – Not too hard, and I fervently hope not by someone you love, otherwise I’ll be getting all punchy-punchy as well

14. Get ill – Not too ill, please, and allow yourself time to recover

15. Go to A & E in a city hospital on a Saturday night, preferably accompanying somebody else who has only minor injuries

16. Be badly behaved – Just not with me, OK?

17. Obey rules

18. Break some rules

19. Tell an adult off to the point where they break down

20. Embark on an enterprise or project that has a likelihood to fail

embark-hero

Embarking on this project could result in either you being successful, but looking like an unbearable smug prick…

 

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…Or it could be a failure, and you wind up being drunk and using a pizza slice for a pillow (AKA going for a night out in Cardiff).

 

21. Swim in a river or lake – Though please be careful

22. Get properly lost, providing you then find your way back

23. Go on holiday in your native country

24. Do the tourist bus in your local city

25. Be humiliated

26. Recover from being humiliated as quickly as possible

27. Be in charge of something – a project, a job, a creative group, a team – but don’t be an arsehole

28. Have revenge on someone

29. Do nothing for a whole day, and don’t feel guilty about it

30. Be really miserable, but make it brief

31. Fall in love – You’d be amazed how many people have never fallen in love

32. Get dumped and have your heart brokenheartbreak.gif

33. Be honest

34. Have a shit Christmas

35. Go out and look for wildlife

36. Break a bone – restrict it to arms or legs only though. Maybe a rib.

37. Tell your friends some deep personal secrets. Hopefully it will lead to better friends

38. Take a walk in a forest in all seasons

39. Look at a mountain – Fuck, they’re great, aren’t they?

40. Go abroad

41. Get rained on

42. Allow one of your opinions to be changed by an argument

43. Persuade someone else to change their opinion on something fundamental

44. Have a really crap relationship with a complete loser, but make it brief

45. Lose someone close to you, awful though it will be, but learning to cope with grief is an essential lesson. Let’s hope it’s not either Mummy or me, although let’s be honest, I won’t be around for it to bother me all that much

46. Take time off

47. Experience what it’s like to have no money at all, but make it brief

48. Watch a film you previously really liked, but realise and accept that it sucks

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Yeah. You know what? This film is actually a bit crap. You heard me.

 

49. Have a deep interest or hobby that other people would find baffling

50. Allow yourself to be bored

51. Do something drastic with your hair

52. Have someone insult you to the point where it makes you cry, and never let it happen again

53. Be naked in the open air

54. Be naked with someone else

55. Compromise, but do so without losing your integrity

56. Receive applause

57. Do something that frightens you

58. Go to a religious gathering

59. Get angry

60. Refuse to do something

61. Miss out on one amazing experience that all of your friends take part in

62. Be unemployed, but make it brief

63. Go out at an ungodly hour just to listen to the dawn chorus

64. Allow yourself to be pretentious every so often – Some people make far too much fuss about pretentiousness as though it’s on a par with National Socialism, but these people are idiots: Being pretentious doesn’t hurt anyone

 

tumblr_nxr53bN8bb1s5m4kco1_500.gif
Nobody gets hurt

 

 

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There’s plenty of other stuff in this world to get cross about

 

 

avant garde
Ahh, you know what? Just go for it, fly your pretentious flag and fuck the haterz

 

 

65. Annoy someone

66. Watch music being performed live

67. Enjoy the feeling of coming home

68. Confront a bully

69. Be overwhelmed

70. Leave a good party early

71. Stay at a crap party for longer than you really want to

72. Stand up in front of a crowd of people and talk to them

73. Be willing to apologise

74. Refuse to apologise to someone

75. Tell somebody that they are completely bang out of order

76. Experience loneliness

77. Cry at music

Garfunkel_Art_Bright-eyes-breakfast
This is officially the saddest song ever. Guaranteed to make you (or, more accurately, me) blub.

 

78. Cry at a film

79. Stand your ground

80. Have a massive lie-in and don’t feel guilty about it

81. Perform something in public that you wrote – A song, a play, a poem, a dance routine

82. Do something that is utterly selfish

83. Take responsibility for something that went wrong (or, indeed, went right)

84. Spill something

85. Do a competitive sport

86. Fall out with someone

87. Make a conscious decision to repair a broken friendship

88. Use a washing machine – OK, it’s not the greatest of life’s rich pageant of experiences, but a) I’m glad my daughter lives in an era where washing machines are common and affordable; and b) I’d far rather you experience washing clothes in a machine, than washing clothes by hand

89. Not care about somethingno fucks.gif

90. Make a huge mistake (providing it does not hurt or kill someone)

91. Do something silly

92. Be part of the winning team, either as supporter or player

93. Be part of the losing team, either as supporter or player

94. Stand in a group of at least 200 people all singing together

95. Take part in a political protest

96. Vote

97. Laugh so hard you can hardly breathe

98. Cook a meal for friends

99. Make yourself something that you can use every day

100. Help a stranger for no reason other than the fact that you would want help in their shoes

101. Move out of this house and into your own place

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…and you can call us anytime – except probably not tonight. We’re intending to have drunken break-furniture cocaine sex for the first time in 19 years. OK?
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